 The History of Chanukah | Light 2: The Consultant |
The Menorah Files
Light 1: The Contract
Published and copyright © 1997-1999 by by Tzvi Freeman
In memory of Rabbi Yosef Y. Kazen o.b.m.Dear Friends,
This message somehow appeared in my email. Not quite sure what to do with it, but thought I'd pass it on. Will let you know if more comes by. In the meantime, Chappy Chanuka.
-- Tzvi
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Subject: Contract Tender, Menora Miracle Date: Kislev 25 3:29:15.036 PM From: miracles@admin.hvn To: MiraclesRUs@engineering.hvn, QualityMiracles@engineering.hvn, OutaNowhere@engineering.hvn, FlamingWonders@engineering.hvn, MikesMiracleShop@engineering.hvn, MiraclesUnlimited@engineering.hvn, SeaSplitters@engineering.hvn, MadeInHeaven@engineering.hvn, PhysicsBusters@engineering.hvn
Background: In direct consequence to the overwhelming success of the Maccabee project and as a sign of appreciation to the courageous Maccabees who made that success possible, the administration of Heaven Inc. has decided to provide yet another wondrous manifestation of the truth behind the cosmos, a.k.a. a miracle.
As is well known, the Maccabees yesterday regained control of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem from the Greek Army, and spent most of today sweeping away the broken beer bottles and associated mess. In answer to the sincere search of the Maccabees for ritually appropriate Menora oil, Heaven engaged the services of Hidden Surprises Inc., who were successful in engineering yet another miracle, the discovery of a flask of pure olive oil hidden in the ground and sealed with the seal of the High Priest.
Now, another miracle is needed. The flask discovered contains only one day's worth of oil. Although it will take eight days to prepare new olive oil, nevertheless, the Maccabees have decided to go ahead and use this oil immediately. In response to this inspiring display of alacrity, zeal and devotion, the administration has been instructed to perform one more miracle and insure this oil will burn for all eight days.
We are presently accepting proposals on the implementation of this miracle. All applicants should prepare a detailed description of the mechanics of their proposed implementation, as well as their qualifications to perform such services.
Note that requirements surrounding this miracle are quite stringent:
- Eight Days: All applicants must demonstrate that their proposal will not just burn for eight days, but also provide a miracle on each of the eight days. Since the flask found by the Maccabees already contains enough oil for one day to begin with, some creativity will be necessary to provide this effect.
- Fair Compensation: In consonance with a long-standing policy on all heavenly matters, often known as the "measure-for-measure" policy, the miracle should reflect the attitude and acts to which it is resultant. Applicants should insure their proposal blends smoothly with the general theme of the Maccabee vs. Hellenist episode and the no-compromise strategy of the Maccabees.
- Halacha: At least the fundaments of halachic requirements for the Menora of the Holy Temple must be taken into consideration, with extra points for fulfilling all requirements, and bonus points for extra-compulsory details.
Please submit your proposals and all correspondence to this address. Adjudication of presentations by all bidders will commence today at 3:29:15.536 PM. AV equipment for presentations will be provided by Heaven Inc.
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